anger is served

I heeded a lot of advice this past year from breaking up with myself, letting go of disappointments and expecting less.  Each one born from an experience, a time and a place.  I won't repeat myself, but I have floated through reprises most recently that brought about a lot of anger.  A few weeks ago I saw someone, I thought a friend, for who they really were.  It blew me away, but in hindsight I believe this entire year prepared me for this because instead of crying, I became angry.  I felt my heart harden again and forced a smile on my face because I knew deep down inside it would make me stronger.  Then just yesterday, I heard from a common friend that an industry peer spoke bad words about me behind my back.  Right then, I wanted to land my fist on her face, but internally I knew my manners would make the best of me and I turned the other cheek.

For now.

I went to the movies the other day and watched the Avengers.  I was in awe of Bruce Banner's character.  I am not a comic book fan, but I watched the Incredible Hulk often as a child.  My favorite line in the movie was when Bruce replies to Captain America, "That's my secret, I'm always angry."  The timing of my seeing this movie and the most recent events in my life are not coincident, as I am a true believer of everything happens for a reason.  We may not want to admit it, but we need to get angry.  It's a healthy way of letting off steam.  Remember yourself as a child, how you never held back, how if you felt strongly about something, you didn't thinking twice before you said anything.  As a result, you didn't feel stress, your health didn't deteriorate and the next day you felt great.  Well, ladies and gentlemen, I want to feel great again.  Admit it, you do too.

The Incredible Hulk gets stronger the angrier he gets.  Granted, it's a fictional character, but one we must regard in times of need.  These days, there's lots of things I'm angry about.  Yet when I repress my feelings, I don't accomplish anything.  This produces a hidden box inside of me that grows and in turn, is never healed.  But if I take that box out and release my emotions, I am doing a greater service to myself.  It's not to say that I may never make someone or something a victim of anger, but don't be afraid to admit you're mad because you're the only one who defends you.  You're your own hero and if you never unleash your hero then life's not worth fighting or living for, is it?

I'll get back to the supposed colleague, and I'll have chosen words that will definitely make her reposition what she speaks of in the future.  I won't turn green or start throwing punches, but I'll serve her my anger and believe me when I'm done...it won't be coming back to the kitchen.